When it rains it pours

I am fully aware of how people have had enough and are struggling to manage. I’m tired of it too. I see how people have adjusted to their environment, protocol’s, approach and how to conduct themselves. It feels old and they want to move on.

I have had to face a lot of health issues that have lasted many months. I wasn’t prepared to cope with so many illnesses and unknowns. No one likes to feel helpless with an illness that has a life of it’s own within their body. Many people cope with this by the moment, hourly, daily and for years on end. My own challenges have brought another part of my character to the forefront and I have to say, “I really like pushy, I’ve had enough BS Ursula, version 5.0!” I have had to advocate for myself in distress, extreme physical pain and without the clarity that I would have if not feeling multiple symptoms in my body at all once. It’s hard and sometimes it feels soul crushing. I have felt defeated and very low at times. It’s human to not feel excited or happy during a crisis. I am blisteringly aware of the phrase, “Stay strong!” and admittedly, these two words piss me off for a few reasons. First, amongst people closest to me, I am perceived as a very strong individual and I am. However, this doesn’t mean that I am not blindsided by grief, pain, emotional heartache and helplessness sometimes. I fall apart, I scream, cry, sob and allow all of the feelings that are surfacing within me to move through me. Feeling your feelings is a hard job, it doesn’t come with instructions, often people want to push them away, make them disappear and ignore them. That my friends, is not humanly possible. Feelings don’t take a vacation or give you a break because they can. Feelings are not good or bad. Sometimes they move through us quickly without us detecting them and other times they take up residence! I assure you that there are ways to cope. There are resources, online forums and therapists out there waiting for you to reach out. A few skills that you can research independently are Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, each skill set has a multitude of tools to support you. 

I see daily within the majority of my clients, similar themes. They are unable to identify how they feel and why. This isn’t easy to do if you were not taught this in childhood. We establish our coping mechanisms very early in life and those same skills are still being used in adulthood, which often means that they are ineffective. Learning to become self aware, to establish healthy coping mechanisms leads to great communication and these are all learned skills. The number of people whom I see that struggle with feeling anxiety is staggering. It's okay! I support you, I see you and I am here for you. I hold space for my clients without judgement and demonstrate compassion. 

Being strong doesn’t mean that you cannot demonstrate vulnerability. In fact, you are at your strongest when you are most vulnerable. Being vulnerable has taught me who loves me, faults and all. It has taught me how powerful all human beings are and that they become ten times closer when they show each other compassion and express how they feel, even if it feels uncomfortable. Vulnerability does not equal weakness. It is the absolute opposite! 

The next time you question why you aren’t strong enough, why you feel so confused, please know that you are doing your best with the situation at hand and that is all that is required of you. Be kind to yourself in the face of adversity, grief and pain. Self compassion is another powerful tool that will help you out of the darkest of places. Placing responsibility on yourself to know and be everything, will always cause you to feel disappointed in yourself. When you feel your worst remember this; you’re right this is hard, this event doesn’t make you inept it means that you’re human and having a human experience is not void of difficulty. You are doing your best, even when you feel terrible. No matter what happens in your life; you are valued, worthy and loved by so many people. Please know how important and special you are, you impact people in ways that you will never know about. Be who you are, take up space, raise your voice to adversity and show yourself love in the process.

I wish all of you comfort, peace and unconditional love.
Love,
Ursula xo

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