I see you. I see you struggling to wake up, feeling restless and alone. I see you going through the motions to let everyone around think that you are okay. I see you smiling despite feeling despair in the pit of your stomach. I see you filled with anger at the world and the atrocities that human beings invoke upon one another. The unknown is terrifying; it keeps us up at night and it fills our days with uncertainty.
I want a solution. I want an answer. I want everything to be okay. I have learned to sit with my emotions and allow them to take up residence if that is required or let them move through my body. I am very familiar with anxiety. It is my nemesis and it is my SIGN. Anxiety used to make me wretch and reel against it. It would squeeze me into places that I don’t fit, pushing me beyond my limits into a state of frenzy, a blinding emotional pain. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why I suffered in this way and to this extent. I began to understand that it was a part of my intuition, my natural navigation system, a barometer of not only my feelings but the feelings of every single human being that I came into contact with physically or even electronically (email, text, social media.) This realization made my head spin. I felt helpless and alone. For a few years, I felt that I was a victim of my intuition. Being overwhelmed with emotions every minute of every day became relentless and exhausting.
It wasn’t until I realized that my feelings, as I see them now, were parts of me that needed my attention, compassion, love and kindness. Anxiety is a part of our lives to determine fight or flight, whether an incoming situation is to be dealt with or to run away to safety. I suspect that many of you reading this want to run away from what is happening in the world, to find a cure for the pandemic and to return to what was comfortable. I can assure you that comfort does not work in tandem with what causes us pain. Healing from trauma, dysfunction or an environment that hurts us, is painful. If it was comfortable everyone would want to rush to understand what has been plaguing their thoughts. They would easily triumph over them, embrace their growth and move forward with an unparalleled confidence. That’s not how healing begins, it hurts, it pulls us apart, absorbs our thoughts and takes up residence in our spirit.
Over the past 6 months I have witnessed and felt in my body all of the emotions with each and every client that I have seen. I too have fallen apart and surrendered to my feelings. They weren’t washing over me, sometimes I still live in a tsunami. Some of us bury our feelings and compartmentalize them into other places, hiding them from the truth. The truth is, we need connection, we need to be engaged with other human beings, strangers, acquaintances, partners and family members. We need safety, we need security and most of all we need to be seen.
I see you, in all of your glory, in the pits of emotions that make you sweat and I see you doing the best that you can. All you can do is your best, despite what is happening around you. You are not weak, you are not inept, you have been shoved into the unknown, an ocean of everything and nothing. You are trying to right yourself, to get your bearings. I recommend making space for yourself, even if for a few minutes before bed, to listen to a guided meditation, to enable you to connect to your spirit. You are resilient AF. You are perfect as you are. Right now, nurturing you, is the best thing that you can do. Please remember, your loved ones that are in spirit hear you, see you and feel you. They will support you from the spirit world, ask them for assistance, their presence and to become aware that you are not alone.
Lots of love,
8/27/2020 02:32:15 pm
Thank you for that. Sounds like you hit the nail on the head for probably everyone, but it sure sounds you where aiming it me, like you already knew me. Wow...something to think about and maybe time to make time for myself , even if it’s only 5 minutes.
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Ursula has been a medium since she was a child and enjoys sharing her experiences!