As a child when I told an adult the truth about what I was experiencing I was told that I was making it up, dismissed and gas lit. In my teens, I went to several family members, guidance counselors, my family doctor even, and they all told me that what I said couldn’t possibly be true. As an adult, I reached out to psychic’s, healers, spiritual leaders and teachers. They too didn’t believe me.
Not being believed for telling the truth left me feeling constantly frightened, confused and alone. I learned that being vulnerable, sharing my emotions and what I was going through wasn’t valued. I hid my emotions to stay safe and kept my experiences a secret because I didn’t want to feel any worse than I already did. I committed to keep everything to myself, a message that stayed with me my entire life, until a little while ago.
Growing up I had a very curious nature, one where I would seek out people and have them share with me their story. I wanted to know what they had been through. Looking back, I know now why I felt compelled to learn about their life experiences. Deep down I wanted to know what it took to get through life. Was it courage? Was it bravery? Was it being resourceful? Throughout the years I had met anyone who was able to be vulnerable with me. They would share darkness, difficulty and struggle and wrap it up in a bow with a perfect ending. They would skip over the vital parts of their journey. As did I, because no one believed me.
My curiosity has not waned since I was a teen. In fact, it’s just as strong. Considering my profession, I STILL want to know people’s stories. I have been grossly disappointed by my family members, friends, doctors and spiritual guides throughout my life, let down at critical, even life threatening moments. I have learned to become fiercely independent, resourceful, courageous and devoted to heal myself from my history.
I have been ultra careful to not blur the line between my personal and professional life. I believe in people and their innate ability to grow, learn and empathize. In my profession, I help people everyday through difficult situations, painful pasts and present agonizing moments. I am here for the people who weren’t believed, listened to or supported. I see you. Over the coming weeks and months through instructional videos I will introduce you to ways that I have learned to cope emotionally and spiritually.
This isn't how life is meant to be, is it? Human beings naturally seek meaning in their lives. Here are a few excruciatingly painful realities that people face daily; loss of a loved one, a medical diagnosis that is life changing and their dreaded fears coming true. The phrase, "it's meant to be..." irks me, it causes an automatic knee jerk reaction that I want to explain why this concept is deeply flawed and agonizing for many.
The accidental death of your child, partner, parent, best friend, family member was NOT meant to be. The disease that you weren't aware of because you didn't have any symptoms was NOT meant to be. The unfamiliar and confusing signals of mental illness that have plagued you was NOT meant to be.
I feel motivated to normalize what human beings find frightening, including my profession. I strongly feel being human comes with great responsibility. The unwritten messages that our families teach us; how to act, react, respond, cope, manage, behave and conduct ourselves starts when we are very young. For some they are raised in secure households with parents that have acquired emotional intelligence, maturity and they embrace human beings for who they are. We are all flawed and affected by our family, culture and environment.
I thought that if I was aligned with my passion, which I am, that I would not be hit by a wave of fatigue, emotional distress and helplessness. We are impacted daily by messages in the news, social media and what we tell ourselves. I told myself so many misinformed ideas and created a standard for myself that I could not continue to uphold. Maintaining a full time intuitive practice, reading people 4 days a week and experiencing their traumas in my mind-body and witnessing their emotional turmoil after 14 months straight, shut me down. Six weeks before I took time off from my business, I was waking up exhausted after a full night's sleep, my sight was blurry, I had brain fog and I couldn't concentrate. The most bizarre observation that I made was that, despite how ill I could become, (I've been in and out the Emergency since November 2020; unrelated to Covid 19) my abilities are NOT affected. They are fully in tact and it takes zero effort on my part to connect with anyone. In addition to my symptoms I noticed how empty I felt. I discovered that I had nothing left to give. When I recognized this I quietly booked off my schedule and began to listen to my body. I stopped listening to my thoughts because I began to sleep during the day and throughout the night between 11 to 13 hours without waking. I slept close to 18 hours in a 24 hour cycle for almost 2 weeks. I sobbed daily and fell apart. I saw my medical doctor, my therapist and booked with an energy worker that I had not seen before to receive, rather than give. I still have symptoms from burnout. Never in my life have I experienced burnout, the symptoms were foreign and had a life of their own, it's scary. What we tell ourselves about hustling, being the BOSS BABE and to push through no matter what and to not make excuses, is a LIE. These phrases do a disservice to us and the message is that we are NOT ENOUGH.
There are many spiritual practices that will tell you that you are not:
Two things can happen simultaneously and both be TRUE.
This is what I know about you and me. We are here and it is our responsibility to find OUR VOICE, to be the voice for others who are too afraid and not ready to stand up for themselves. In each other we seek our own truth and identity. We are surrounded by billions of human beings seeking peace, to love and be loved in return, to feel safe, to have a full belly of food, a roof over their head and to be seen. Many can only manage to survive through the day and never have any of their needs met. My experience with burnout has cultivated a part of me that I never could have dreamt was inside me. I'm still recovering and doing my best to manage.
You are MEANT to listen to your feelings, intuition and your body because your voice is the answer to your needs.
I wish you peace, comfort and love,
When I was very young I didn’t have the capacity to understand my paranormal experiences. My earliest memories of people in spirit visiting me was when I was 5 years old. They would appear in my bedroom as I was falling asleep, I would notice their presence and I would freeze in terror hoping that they wouldn’t see me. I would pull the sheets over my head, hold my breath and eventually fall asleep covered in sweat. I would witness them walking around my room; there were so many shadows milling about. They would sit beside me on my single mattress, alone in the dark. I could hear them talking to each other for hours but they were too far away to comprehend. These events happened nightly throughout my childhood, into my teens and sometimes, still to this day. I have had a lifetime filled with visits from people in spirit and it has changed me in ways that I could not imagine. I was chronically anxious, unsettled and frightened. As a child, I was terrorized by people in spirit. They didn’t hurt me; they were there, lurking in the dark, frequently waking me out of my sleep. I was so scared that I didn’t tell anyone in my family. I didn’t know what was happening, all I knew was that I was petrified of shadows parading around my room every night.
Looking back on my paranormal experiences that started at 5 years of age, I would not have wildly guessed that I would work in my profession today. I didn’t identify as a psychic and I seriously didn’t know what a medium was. I thought psychics were gifted, special human beings deemed worthy of a unique supernatural power. The nightly events and daily premonitions kept coming and by the time I was in my late twenties I had had enough. At that time, I still had not told a single soul in my life. In fact, I desperately pleaded to the heavens, to stop it from happening. I wished it away. I made up fictitious spells to stop it from occurring. I did everything within my power to escape it. It got louder and even more invasive which I didn't believe was possible. I felt desperate, alone and unstable. These kinds of things don’t happen to healthy individuals. I started researching and voraciously reading anything that I could get my hands on so I could identify myself. I needed to meet other people like me, others who had these same bizarre nightly visits, those who were just as terrified as I was. I studied a variety of energetic modalities but none of them helped me see myself. None of them were classes for psychic ability because I never believed for a hot second that I was a gifted, special human being deemed worthy of a unique supernatural power. I met with an infinite number of healers and so-called psychics to find solace, support and understanding.
Repeatedly, I was told by these people that;
“What you're experiencing couldn’t possibly be happening, stop lying! You're not a psychic or a medium.”
I was so very vulnerable and I kept being met with the same judgement and bullying by numerous members within multiple spiritual communities.
The pieces started to come together painfully slowly. In one of my Reiki classes the teacher asked us to focus on a person’s name to send them distance healing. All the teacher gave was a name, nothing else. When the exercise was over I described in detail the person we had sent healing to; I could see their appearance, hair style, age, they wore glasses and that they were in a wheelchair. The teacher, a well known psychic medium, affirmed all of my details that I gave and he neglected to tell me that these details were due to my psychic abilities. I remember the exercise vividly and even then, I ignored it because the teacher did too.
My intuitive experiences were endless. When a family member or friend noticed them, it was followed by name calling and skepticism. I took a few classes, adding up to a handful over my lifetime which didn’t impact my abilities or help me develop them. I learned from people in spirit and from exploring my abilities on my own. I needed someone to see me, to acknowledge what was happening, to embrace me and tell me that it was going to be okay. I needed to know that this was normal, not a sign of weakness or an unstable mind.
My experiences left me feeling desperately alone and insecure. I questioned everything about myself on a constant basis. I couldn’t identify who I was or my experiences no matter where I searched. When I stopped reaching out to sources around me was when the work began.
Lots of love,
I am fully aware of how people have had enough and are struggling to manage. I’m tired of it too. I see how people have adjusted to their environment, protocol’s, approach and how to conduct themselves. It feels old and they want to move on.
I have had to face a lot of health issues that have lasted many months. I wasn’t prepared to cope with so many illnesses and unknowns. No one likes to feel helpless with an illness that has a life of it’s own within their body. Many people cope with this by the moment, hourly, daily and for years on end. My own challenges have brought another part of my character to the forefront and I have to say, “I really like pushy, I’ve had enough BS Ursula, version 5.0!” I have had to advocate for myself in distress, extreme physical pain and without the clarity that I would have if not feeling multiple symptoms in my body at all once. It’s hard and sometimes it feels soul crushing. I have felt defeated and very low at times. It’s human to not feel excited or happy during a crisis. I am blisteringly aware of the phrase, “Stay strong!” and admittedly, these two words piss me off for a few reasons. First, amongst people closest to me, I am perceived as a very strong individual and I am. However, this doesn’t mean that I am not blindsided by grief, pain, emotional heartache and helplessness sometimes. I fall apart, I scream, cry, sob and allow all of the feelings that are surfacing within me to move through me. Feeling your feelings is a hard job, it doesn’t come with instructions, often people want to push them away, make them disappear and ignore them. That my friends, is not humanly possible. Feelings don’t take a vacation or give you a break because they can. Feelings are not good or bad. Sometimes they move through us quickly without us detecting them and other times they take up residence! I assure you that there are ways to cope. There are resources, online forums and therapists out there waiting for you to reach out. A few skills that you can research independently are Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, each skill set has a multitude of tools to support you.
I see daily within the majority of my clients, similar themes. They are unable to identify how they feel and why. This isn’t easy to do if you were not taught this in childhood. We establish our coping mechanisms very early in life and those same skills are still being used in adulthood, which often means that they are ineffective. Learning to become self aware, to establish healthy coping mechanisms leads to great communication and these are all learned skills. The number of people whom I see that struggle with feeling anxiety is staggering. It's okay! I support you, I see you and I am here for you. I hold space for my clients without judgement and demonstrate compassion.
Being strong doesn’t mean that you cannot demonstrate vulnerability. In fact, you are at your strongest when you are most vulnerable. Being vulnerable has taught me who loves me, faults and all. It has taught me how powerful all human beings are and that they become ten times closer when they show each other compassion and express how they feel, even if it feels uncomfortable. Vulnerability does not equal weakness. It is the absolute opposite!
The next time you question why you aren’t strong enough, why you feel so confused, please know that you are doing your best with the situation at hand and that is all that is required of you. Be kind to yourself in the face of adversity, grief and pain. Self compassion is another powerful tool that will help you out of the darkest of places. Placing responsibility on yourself to know and be everything, will always cause you to feel disappointed in yourself. When you feel your worst remember this; you’re right this is hard, this event doesn’t make you inept it means that you’re human and having a human experience is not void of difficulty. You are doing your best, even when you feel terrible. No matter what happens in your life; you are valued, worthy and loved by so many people. Please know how important and special you are, you impact people in ways that you will never know about. Be who you are, take up space, raise your voice to adversity and show yourself love in the process.
I wish all of you comfort, peace and unconditional love.
It’s true, I do my best not share personal stories, it’s a very fine line that becomes a balancing act somedays when I post to social media. Vulnerability, professionalism and integrity are very important to me and I do my best to demonstrate them. As many of you struggled last year and into this year, I too found myself alone, without people to visit or to join their bubble as was frequently suggested in the news.
I became fatigued, frustrated and very angry. A bitterness grew within me that took over at times and I didn’t want anyone to see it. An angry part of me showed up and would not leave; a part of me that needed compassion and grace. I looked around and it was just me and my two cats that had become very clingy knowing that I was hurting emotionally. It took me almost a year to realize and accept that this was my reality. I denied myself compassion in the face of an unknown that still continues to morphe and shift humanities perspective. A voice inside me raged and criticized who I was, who I became with a voracity that left me a mess most days.
Last year was my busiest year to date, my calendar was filled with group classes, private lessons, animal and individual readings. I had to make changes not only to a horribly critical voice in my head (me) but to my business practices and approach too. I made tiny changes so I could cope with my work load. An outcome of giving so many readings was that a change in my abilities happened. I have given readings over the phone or video conference call for 9 years of my 17 years in business. Working online wasn’t new to me, it increased my ability to see into people’s homes and lives to a level that became very intimate. If my client was in an abusive relationship, I was right there with them, but they couldn’t see me watching what was unfolding. I had to learn how to cope with the vulnerability that I was experiencing on behalf of my clients which took some time and thought.
Now, reflecting on what happened last year, I realized that I had gained further insight into my mechanisms that no longer serve me. That angry person seething and waiting for the next moment to attack my well being had been acknowledged for who she was and what she needed. She needed to be embraced because she felt alone and shown compassion for the difficulties that were being thrown at her daily, personally and professionally. I am developing a profound understanding of my needs and how to meet them, without the support of another human being. I can do this. I am capable of managing my life alone. It’s not easy or simple. Some days I manage an hour at a time and some days, I just sleep because my body tells me to. I listen to what I need and how my body feels.
When you’re falling apart and the tears are streaming down your face, your heart is pounding out of your chest and the ache you feel has taken over your body, please know that a part of you needs you. It needs to get angry, to rail against feelings that you might not be able to identify but they are wreaking havoc on your mind. Your feelings are there to tell you what you need and sometimes just naming them will enable you to get through the next moment.
I don’t feel that there are enough words to describe this year. I am not someone who uses statements like, “It’s been a bad day, week, month or year.” I believe that if I frame sentences with these timelines that I’m not being truthful and it’s limiting. I feel that the most accurate word to describe everything this year is CHANGE. The intensity that I experienced personally and professionally has been overwhelming.
For the first time in 5 years, in early March of this year I visited my family in England. Two days after returning home the world changed with the Corona Virus. I had already been giving readings virtually for 8 years of my 16 years in practice, there were adjustments using Zoom for each session and I figured it out. I truly dislike using technology and I’m self taught. If some of my stuff online looks a little messy, please forgive my novice abilities. A lot of my clients met with me while they were in their vehicle. It was odd, but it made sense with the circumstances of being at home. This was the busiest year that I have had to date in my business.
I taught 2 separate Intuitive Development Groups, they started out on location; one in Guelph and the other in Thornbury, ON. I transitioned them to online classes, which felt seamless to me, however some of my students were concerned that there would be a barrier not being in-person. I recall one of my students children dancing around in the background while I lead a meditation, it was hilarious but I couldn’t stop and laugh. I absolutely love teaching! I feel excited to see my students make intuitive connections and to begin to understand how their psychic abilities work. I was SUPER EXCITED and proud to watch my graduates read guest volunteers ONLINE! These students had never before studied psychic development. It was amazing to watch and it made me so very happy to watch them give readings with incredible accuracy.
I was contacted by a TV Producer the end of September, he had been referred to me. He was seeking a Medium to read a couple for a Reality TV Show. I told him to not tell me anything about the show. He gave me the filming date and an address that was close by to the location, 5 minutes before I was to arrive, he texted me the actual address where I would be giving the reading. It was very eventful, not only did I read the couple, I also read the TV Producer and one of the camera crew. People in spirit were interrupting me to make sure that they were heard! When I have the air date I will post it to my social media platforms.
I wish all of you comfort and love,
I see you. I see you struggling to wake up, feeling restless and alone. I see you going through the motions to let everyone around think that you are okay. I see you smiling despite feeling despair in the pit of your stomach. I see you filled with anger at the world and the atrocities that human beings invoke upon one another. The unknown is terrifying; it keeps us up at night and it fills our days with uncertainty.
I want a solution. I want an answer. I want everything to be okay. I have learned to sit with my emotions and allow them to take up residence if that is required or let them move through my body. I am very familiar with anxiety. It is my nemesis and it is my SIGN. Anxiety used to make me wretch and reel against it. It would squeeze me into places that I don’t fit, pushing me beyond my limits into a state of frenzy, a blinding emotional pain. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why I suffered in this way and to this extent. I began to understand that it was a part of my intuition, my natural navigation system, a barometer of not only my feelings but the feelings of every single human being that I came into contact with physically or even electronically (email, text, social media.) This realization made my head spin. I felt helpless and alone. For a few years, I felt that I was a victim of my intuition. Being overwhelmed with emotions every minute of every day became relentless and exhausting.
It wasn’t until I realized that my feelings, as I see them now, were parts of me that needed my attention, compassion, love and kindness. Anxiety is a part of our lives to determine fight or flight, whether an incoming situation is to be dealt with or to run away to safety. I suspect that many of you reading this want to run away from what is happening in the world, to find a cure for the pandemic and to return to what was comfortable. I can assure you that comfort does not work in tandem with what causes us pain. Healing from trauma, dysfunction or an environment that hurts us, is painful. If it was comfortable everyone would want to rush to understand what has been plaguing their thoughts. They would easily triumph over them, embrace their growth and move forward with an unparalleled confidence. That’s not how healing begins, it hurts, it pulls us apart, absorbs our thoughts and takes up residence in our spirit.
Over the past 6 months I have witnessed and felt in my body all of the emotions with each and every client that I have seen. I too have fallen apart and surrendered to my feelings. They weren’t washing over me, sometimes I still live in a tsunami. Some of us bury our feelings and compartmentalize them into other places, hiding them from the truth. The truth is, we need connection, we need to be engaged with other human beings, strangers, acquaintances, partners and family members. We need safety, we need security and most of all we need to be seen.
I see you, in all of your glory, in the pits of emotions that make you sweat and I see you doing the best that you can. All you can do is your best, despite what is happening around you. You are not weak, you are not inept, you have been shoved into the unknown, an ocean of everything and nothing. You are trying to right yourself, to get your bearings. I recommend making space for yourself, even if for a few minutes before bed, to listen to a guided meditation, to enable you to connect to your spirit. You are resilient AF. You are perfect as you are. Right now, nurturing you, is the best thing that you can do. Please remember, your loved ones that are in spirit hear you, see you and feel you. They will support you from the spirit world, ask them for assistance, their presence and to become aware that you are not alone.
Lots of love,
I want to impart wisdom, security and insight with each blog that I write however, those words come with a very tall order. I neglectfully stopped writing many months ago and focused my energy on surviving. With the onset of the pandemic and the requirements that I had to meet in my daily life some demands fell by the wayside. Individual readings increased ten fold and I was wrapped up in people’s lives with an intensity that took an emotional toll. All of us have watched the world crumble and we adapted. To witness a disease take over the world and watch it end many lives is terrifying, with it comes a flood of pain that I have felt deep within my soul.
When news of the pandemic unfolded, I couldn’t discern between my feelings and the waves of emotions that I felt viscerally in my body which was the energy of people around me suffering. I generally have a heightened level of awareness that affects my environment, connections with people and animals. My two cats began to cling to me as they reacted to my physical and emotional discomfort.
Many business ideas flooded my mind to produce videos to help people to understand the supernatural and paranormal. I created short videos with easily understood segments for you to share with others. Personally, I dislike complicating anything. I need the coles notes version rather than formal explanations. Over time I saw the pandemic as a way to sit with our feelings. It’s shocking to me the number of people that I see that overwork, over schedule themselves which makes them anxious, it’s mind boggling. Individual readings over the past several months have been very difficult. I’ve been witnessing people suffering for a myriad of reasons, losing a family member, employment, mental health and for some experiencing domestic violence. I have had sleepless nights feeling powerless over my clients lives. There is hope, I have observed courageous, vulnerable people who are managing, despite their narrative. I see their resilience, depth of character and strength of spirit.
I have done my best to support you, through live videos, I took some of you on a journey of guided meditations and one of them enabled you to meet your people in spirit! I want you to know that I’m here, a little bruised, battered and hopefully wiser. To be honest, times have been problematic which has brought me to my knees sobbing and experiencing the pandemic has shown me who I am. I continue to fall apart as I embrace that my feelings need to be acknowledged and I know that I do not have all the answers. It’s very important for me to nurture myself. I assure you that embracing your feelings and identifying your fear will reduce your anxiety and enable you to meet your own needs.
I wish you healing for those that are sick. I wish comfort for those that have transitioned and for those of us that grieve their passing. Most of all I wish you love in times of discomfort, loss and anxiety. You are beautiful beings dealing with a crisis. In the unknown, we have each other.
I send you love, healing and peace.
Emotional intelligence and providing space for people is not a topic that is raised with frequency and discussed in depth. Our feelings are directly linked to our intuition. I wouldn’t have believed that fact if you had spelled it out to me in large looming letters. I had to live it to know it’s impact and how I navigate my life. Some people run on autopilot, familiar with their routines and running on empty. The social norms are to ask how you are and what you’ve been up to answer with pat phrases that comply with a mundane auto response. How you feel directly impacts your life, it invades your relationships, work life, family and communication. If you reach out to a friend right now and told them that you were falling apart, they would respond with a solution, rather than listening to your plight. You may be reading this and asking yourself “Why would a psychic medium be discussing my emotions?”
I’ll tell you why and explain it in detail. A reading encompasses your past, present and future. It delves into the very fabric of your life, displaying to me your triumphs, failures, activities and behaviours. Our feelings shape our world. They provide a perspective that only we can decipher. They can overwhelm us, spin us out and dictate a response to them that could have negative consequences. It’s what we do with our feelings that makes the difference in our thoughts, routine and actions.
Attuning yourself to how you feel will enable you to develop self awareness, in turn amplifying your intuition. When your intuition gets louder you start to listen and pay attention. Feelings can be insignificant, fleeting and obtuse. It’s the feelings that linger, state their presence that we either listen embracing what they need to show us or we push them away and avoid them. This is what you do with your intuition on a daily basis.
What would happen if you gave your intuition the time and attention that it needs? You would make better choices, become attentive to friends in need, pick up cues that were benign and see them for what they truly are, signs directing you to help yourself or others.
It pains me to hear how often people dismiss their feelings. There are circumstances where they become problematic. I am talking about the niggling, the discomfort or excitement that takes up residence in your body, trying to get you to notice them. These markers are your intuition hard at work, while your brain turns these signs into thoughts blown out of proportion. You tell yourself that something bad is coming, that you’ve done something wrong or that you’re not good enough. These statements are the furthest from the truth when your intuition is involved.
I hope that in time you’ll explore the possibilities and give yourself the credit that you deserve. Your intuition knows what’s best for you. Please start to listen to hear it’s greatest rewards.
I recall quite vividly my experiences with feeling, seeing and hearing people in spirit, especially when I was a very young child. It was unsettling, paralyzing and very confusing. It took me a long time to understand, learn and embrace my abilities. I hit a lot of roadblocks with teachers and decided to pursue my development on my own.
I want you to know that intuition is a skill that has been present from the moment you arrived here as a baby and that it will never let you down. Intuition (psychic ability) and Mediumship (talking to/with people in spirit) are NATURAL skills that the human race possesses. It can be perceived as complicated or you can see it as I do, a tool to enable you to navigate your life, decisions with work, family, relationships and life. If you haven’t acknowledged it and you want to know the in’s and outs of it, I will show you, in a compassionate, fun and experiential way. Perfection does not exist and we all have something to bring to the table that is unique and awe inspiring.
I am adamant and confident in my decision to help people to understand the metaphysical world. It’s important to me to show you how to talk to your loved ones that you grieve, to connect you to your innate intuitive skills and to build your bond with your animal companions. I don’t want you to spend another second in this life missing out on a whole new world.
Join me to explore and discover your abilities!
Ursula has been a medium since she was a child and enjoys sharing her experiences!