Leap of Faith

I recently made a leap of faith that I wasn’t sure that I was ever going to do. I had fallen into a rut with my massage therapy work and I no longer felt challenged, inspired or a passion for its health benefits. I was feeling trapped. I was drowning in financial obligation and I had let my dream of focusing on my intuitive work, fade. This made me resentful and I had to find a solution.

It had finally caught up to me when I went on vacation this past summer to Vancouver. I had been working from a home office for more than two years and I had discovered a few things about myself and what I wasn’t willing to compromise. Originally, the transition from Toronto to the small community of Bolton was easy. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had a massive back yard that was filled with trees and soon to be discovered wild life; birds of many species and deer, a family of three, a mother with twin babies graced us with her presence for more than 8 months. It couldn’t have gotten any better, my massage business was thriving and I was getting to know people in the community.

As time passed I was being met consistently with resistance from every aspect, personally and professionally. More than fifteen friendships left my life, for good reason, we no longer held the same viewpoints, we grew apart, some rejected my intuitive work therefore they rejected me, and lastly I discovered what narcissism meant and boy did I meet tonnes of them!

I have been through many phases in my life and this period became “the two years of introspection and healing” that I needed but never wanted to commit to. I had no choice, it was in front of me and I had to grasp it by the scruff and finally wrestle it. Without giving you too many details, my privacy is important to me, I had to look at myself, my fears, anger, hurt, excuses and all. It was painful, exhausting and LIBERATING. I found out who I was without having to protect myself. I finally integrated parts of myself that I abhorred. I accepted myself. I became vulnerable, open and mostly I surrendered. I do give the good fight and struggle, its life that’s what happens. We are thrown off kilter by events and situations. Relationships dissolve; people pull away from us without us understanding why. The people that moved on from my life have made room for the ones that I didn’t think would arrive. I could not have imagined at the time when I was sobbing about losing particular friends, over how the new ones would be ten times more supportive, loving and open to me. I am so glad I fought the good fight; however, I’m glad I surrendered into who I have become.

I cry. I never really cried in front of people before. I held everything in with a vice grip. It ruined me. It broke me apart allowing myself to build myself up again. I have lots to learn and so much more growing to do. The difference now, is that I’m excited to do it. I know this can be hard, and I’m never prepared for pain, I am however prepared to love, fall in love and share the love that I have. I will not hold it against someone if they choose not to reciprocate it. They aren’t ready and we’re not mean to be connected.

I have moved and closed my massage therapy practice. I waffle and wonder what the heck am I thinking? My dream to teach others how to develop themselves intuitively and to embrace their natural skills is the best darn job in the world! I love sharing, connecting and being open to everything that this universe has to offer. I’m ready for this change and I will fight it, have conversations with it in my head, I’ll fall back and move forward. Mostly I’ll move forward knowing that this feels right. I am of service and I choose this path, as much as it chose me years ago. I no longer have the financial pressure and I have so much more to give. I didn’t let myself down, I knew I had to make the changes for me and everything else would take care of itself. So far, so good!